Sunday, January 27, 2008

Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt

I got this from my brothers friends when they got back from a trip to the States and I love it! Maybe not for all the right reasons though.

Steven Seagal has made one good movie, the rest is just different sorts of crap and I have to say that this energy drink perfectly symbolizes the majority of his movies; it tries too hard to be cool, it's full of obscure Asian references, it has a stupid and more or less meaningless name, it looks cool at the first glance but doesn't hold up to scrutiny and it's contents tastes funny, do very little good and leaves a weird taste in your mouth.

Just read the "quote" on the can from the man with the kung-fu can-can himself, Mr Seagal: "A natural energy drink packed with vitamins and exotic botanicals".

"Exotic botanicals?" I know what it means but come on, could you be any more pretentious?

As for these exotic botanicals the one thing that I guess that Seagal hopes will bring the masses to drink this gunk are the Goji Berries. As far as I can understand Goji Berries are indeed very nutritious but there are, as usual, ways to make a fool and his money part ways. I'm not saying that this drink doesn't have enough Goji Berries to enjoy the benefits but then again, the can doesn't specify how much "Goji Berry extract" there is either.

Next up on the list of exotic botanicals is a funky fungi, "Asian Cordyceps". Wikipedia has among other things this to say:

If a Cordyceps fungus attacks a host, the mycelium invades and eventually replaces the host tissue, while the elongated fruiting body (stroma) may be cylindrical, branched, or of complex shape.
Sounds nice.

The labeling on the can is a bit misleading though as I'm pretty sure the cordycep that's in this drink is the so called vegetable caterpillar and not just any old cordycep. This little feller is even more tasteful than the generic cordycep. The fungi infects a certain type of caterpillar and kills it under ground, close to the top soil. Then...
the dark brown to black fruiting body (or mushroom) emerges from the ground in spring or early summer, always growing out of the forehead of the caterpillar.
And I put this stuff in my mouth!

There's a load of other crap in this one as well but I can't go on any more as I'm starting to feel nauseous.

If the sister drink, the Cherry Charge, also contains the bastard offspring of a killer fungi and a hapless caterpillar then I'll pass on drinking that one. The can always has a place in my collection but the drink goes down the drain.


Sunday, January 06, 2008

Euroshopper energy drink

This might look like the blandest of bland as far as cans for energy drink go but I actually like it, although not for it's artistic merits.

You see, I've always been a "form follows function" kind-of-guy and this can embodies that philosophy very well. Now, a can can have any sort of design and still be quite functional but we need to look past the actual "container" functionality of the can and look at it's use as a communications device instead.

There is no doubt about what this can contains. Heck, the word "energy" is even written twice (and perhaps once again in ultraviolet ink or something for, you know, vampires or ghosts).

It also bears the same typical color and layout as the rest of the Euroshopper products so you know it's cheap.

I can understand why there's a plethora of cans that copies Red Bull - both by name and by look - but there's also something refreshing about a can that takes a no-nonsense approach to it's marketing.

Compare this can with the Bullit can and tell me which one you'd pick if you quickly needed to grab a can of energy off the shelf.

I'd grab the Bullit can but I'm special that way.